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How can you tell if someone is narcissistic?

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You can tell if someone is narcissistic, as when they are, they have a persistent cough and an uneven red rash about their collar. However, this can be concealed by rubbing a mixture of lye and lamb's blood onto the affected area. This can be countered by throwing a combination of salt and the ash created by burning the suspect's hair over a midnight fire. If they are a narcissist, they will scream their true name backwards, and flee, covering their retreat by expelling a noxious black smoke from their throat glands.

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